March Movie Preview

OK, so it's not really a preview, considering it's already March. Nonetheless, here are some thoughts on this month's upcoming movies:

MARCH 4

Take Me Home Tonight: 

This is basically "That 80s Show", following Eric Forman in his post-college crisis. It looks like nothing special, but I would still be inclined to give it a shot. The girl in the trailer looks eerily close to Kristen Stewart, but I suppose we shouldn't hold it against her. 

MARCH 11

Battle: Los Angeles:

"Independence Day" meets "District 9"? Maybe? "Battle: Los Angeles" certainly won't score any points for originality, but hey, if the aliens-invading-earth-for-resources-and-destroys-humans-in-the-process storyline ain't broke, don't fix it... I guess. The visuals look to be pretty spectacular, and I always enjoy Aaron Eckhart. Meanwhile, Michele Rodriguez appears to be reprising her role from "Avatar". Don't set your expectations too high for this one, but it's sure to be exciting, at the very least.

Jane Eyre:

Mia Wasikowska (Alice in Wonderland, The Kids Are All Right) and Michael Fassbender (Inglourious Basterds, Centurion) will be playing Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester, respectively. And although the trailer leaves much to be desired (what's with that font?), I'm still going to give this one the benefit of the doubt.

MARCH 18

Paul:

I'm extremely excited for "Paul", and yes, it's mainly because I'm in love with the comedic brilliance that is Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. This movie, could be a ton of fun.

MOVIES TO ACTIVELY AVOID:

MARCH 4

Beastly:

The title does seem to be the appropriate adjective to describe this movie. If you want to watch "Beauty and the Beast", you should probably watch... "Beauty and the Beast". Also, "Beastly" seems to teach a valuable lesson: If you are vain and self-centered, one of the Olsen twins may or may not give you badass tattoos on your face. Honestly, wouldn't it have been better if she turned him into some fat guy in a wheelchair who smelled bad?

MARCH 11

Red Riding Hood:

Stop it! Stop it with the bizarrely updated re-tellings of stories that don't need to be re-told. Unfortunately, this uninspired Twilight/The Village mash-up is sure to resonate with its audience. Gary Oldman, this movie is beneath you. 

MARCH 25

Sucker Punch:

This movie looks like everything I hate about movies. Zak Snyder seems to have taken a few cues from Michael Bay with this one, abandoning any notion of plot for an extra helping of seizure-inducing visuals. Tailor-made for the ADD, video-game generation, this type of movie makes me fear the future of the industry.